Quick Thought

I know I have not written in awhile, and I don't plan to say a lot at this moment. I just wanted to share the fantastic fact that if you ask God to show up, If you ask him to move or to speak to you, he will. And I think that's pretty cool.

A Letter to a friend

There is something that connects us, That I can't describe
something that lasts, though the distance between us is wide
I don't know what you do now, or how you spend your days
the only memories I have are jumbled in a haze

This thing that connects us, will let us meet again
in the meantime I wait, happy to call you friend
when my day is ending yours has just began
its crazy what can happen when you let go of your plan

A year ago I didn't know you exist
instead of faces and names I saw only an empty pit
the chance to come and meet was what I long dreamed
time spent with you was more valuable then it seemed

so long I had to spend, being pushed to go on
but what i wouldn't give to get back whats gone
each laugh, each cry, each and every night
was a blessing, a miracle,, a shinning light

A place I didn't believe as I planned to start
would be able to capture a piece of my heart
and yet here I am with one piece gone
it was left in that shack, in that kid, in that song

Africa, I don't know when I'll return
but my love for you will continue to burn
Africa, I'll come back to your land
but its all in his timing, its all in his plan

How will I make my mark?

However small it might have been, I have made a mark on the hearts of children in Deipsloot, a squatter camp in South Africa. It was a smile, a funny dance, and a hug to tell them they are worth loving. I’ve made a mark, on Rita, 12-year-old AIDs orphan from Zambia. It was holding her in my lap, and crying with her as she shared her story with me. I’ve made a mark on the Esther school in Chongwe by cutting trees and moving cinder blocks for days in the African heat. It is by looking at where I have been, and the impact that I have made that I know I was put here for a reason. I was put here to change the world. 

Often when I say that people are taken back, it’s not exactly something the average 16 year old expects to do. I can read the doubt on the faces of strangers who hear my claim, but those who know me are excited about my plans. Plans. That implies I have an outline, a roadmap to a destination, but I have nothing of the sort. I have no idea how I will be used to change the world or even what that change will look like. So how do I know I’ll change the world? Let me explain.

I have a passion for people, especially the people often forgotten or looked down on by society. The homeless, orphans, widows, abused and those trapped in poverty have all captured a piece of my heart. It is this passion that has led me to promoting hunger awareness in my own community by not eating for 30 hours, and has led me to the villages and streets of Africa. It is this passion that has forced me to question my society’s views of success. Why would I be happy with millions of dollars if I know other people don’t even have access to clean drinking water? It is this passion that will not allow me to settle with a “good life” but strive for a meaningful one.

          My life will mean something by focusing on individual people rather then statistics or numbers. One child dies every 12 seconds from poverty related causes. That’s not just a number! That is a child that was carried for 9 months in it’s mother, breathed, cried and felt the pain of death. Alone I can’t end hunger, end poverty, disease or human trafficking, but I can help individuals who are trapped in these circumstances. I’m called to use my gifts and resources to help PEOPLE, not organizations or myself. 

The beauty of not having a plan is that I get to dream. I still have a year until I graduate high school. That means I still have a year to dream and plan. I still might not have a plan when I graduate and that is okay. I might leave behind everything that is comfortable and that I know. I might end up in a rural village to open a school or a community center to teach English and sexual education. I might stay here and open a business in which all the money is donated to a humanitarian organization. I might simply join a non-profit focusing on homeless youth in America. These are things I think about and consider doing, but whatever I do, wherever I go, I will make a difference. I will leave my mark.

I give you all my life

Always look toward the future and always move forward, that's what we are supposed to do right? Time is precious and can't be wasted, not when there is so much to do be done both in the moment and for the future. I believe That God will use me to change the world (however big or small) but I don't know how and that has been a struggle. Not knowing the path you are being led down is scary, but is it the same as being lost?

I just got back from a weekend retreat up on mount Baker. I was expecting fun with friends, good food and to maybe meet a new person or two. I was expecting God to meet people right where they were, but not me because I have heard all the camp talks a hundred times over. I wasn't expecting God to reveal anything to me, and in a way, I was right.

The second night the speaker left the path of basic, expected topics. Instead he talked about us being made to do something, having a purpose. Something that I strongly believe. He talked about a desire to leave a mark, a desire for our lives to mean something. This is a desire, I can definitely say,  that we have. He talked about God wanting to tell us what it was he was calling us to, and asked us to commit to that (whatever it might be) by dipping our hands in paint and leaving our mark on a piece of canvas; creating a work of art together.

I began to get excited, God was finally going to tell me what I'll do! The worship band started playing, and it was obvious that the Holy Spirit was moving. People began to make hand prints, large groups at a time. God wasn't speaking to me. As the first song ended, it felt like everyone had left "their mark" and I began to feel like I wouldn't. Not only that I wouldn't leave a hand print but that desire to mean something would never be fulfilled. Desperate for answer, i practically begged for an answer as I sang the worship song

"I give you all my life, I'm letting it go. A living sacrifice, no longer my own.All I am is yours.All I am is yours. I give you everything, to you I belong. Every beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs. All I am is yours. All I am is yours."

And I finally heard God's voice! But it wasn't an answer I liked. He told me, "If you really want to follow me, to give your whole life to me, your timing isn't important! I'll tell you when the time is right so for now, I want you to wait." At this i became slightly frustrated, but recognized the truth in these words, I walked to the front and left my hand's print on the cloth. I know there are great things to come, things no one can imagine, but for now, I wait.