Friday, December 7, 2012

Pushing and Pulling

It is difficult when a friendship you expect to last a lifetime manages to fade away. No fight, falling out or even upset emotions, just a silent distancing. I tend to wonder if I did something wrong. It's a battle to know when to pursue that laid aside relationship and when to let it go. Since there was no official end, can we still hope for a revival?

I supposed it is these kind of endings that can hurt the most; somewhere so deep inside you can only recognize it flipping through photographs or as you toss and turn on sleepless nights. Remembering laughs, adventures and growth causing conversations. The what-ifs plaguing your mind with "If only we saw each other more" "If I had called more" " If we had figured out a way to talk more" or, the worst of all, "Do they still think about me?" No matter what we believe it to be the answer to this can be detrimental. It can lead us to a harsh realization its over or to a false sense of hope. However that hope is short lived as we realize they ignore out facebook messages and over thought texts.We can't tell them what we've thought about, cried over, and prayed for. If the opportunity to talk was there how would we use it? What could we say to fix months of not speaking and return to normal?

I'm forced to recognize that in my situation there is nothing that can complete this task. The connections I am missing were built so strong from being pushed outside of our comfort zones and needing a friendly face. Formed over being cut off from everyone we knew and needing someone to talk to. Seeking someone to laugh with, share with, confide in and vent to. I need to face these facts, and that if a continued friendship is not mutually desired, the ones that i formed will remain in that place and are gone from me today.

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